Monday, October 5, 2009

To Be a Friend After Break Up???

To be friends after breaking up a relationship is quite difficult. It's easy to say that," Lets be friends" but is it really possible?
Well different people have different perspective but from my experience I can tell you that friendship with your ex is quite possible. However if you have been in a bad, abusive and tense relationship then it is better to look forward and forget your past. But if you have had an amicable break up and you still want to be in contact with your ex then you can follow these steps to build up a future relationship which you can cherish all your life.

Give yourself time to heal: After a break up it is very important that you give yourself cooling off period. After break up it is very natural to feel grief, resentment and humiliation. Therefore you need time to pull yourself together.

Try to understand your feelings
If your relationship and break up had been very bitter and you think that it will be best that you don't keep any contacts with your ex then its fine and move ahead. If your ex wants to keep contact with you then make it very clear to him what you want. But if you think that what has happened, has happened for the best and maybe you two weren't made for one another then you can consider starting a fresh relationship of friendship with him. Thus you have to evaluate what you want and then take the initiative.

Breaking the ice
Once you have made up your mind and your emotions are in your control then start establishing the new friendship. Start out simple. Call him and ask how that big project went at work or some other neutral question about the other person's life. Be genuine and interested and please don't overdo it. Have an easy conversation and close by saying that you enjoyed talking again, and hope that you can do it again soon. As time goes by, you can continue to work on this part to a point where you might ask him to join you and a group of friends for a night out or to a party with mutual friends, if that's okay with him.

Don't force him if he doesn't want to coz he might not feel comfortable going out with your friends. If you have common friends then you can ask them to organize something for you so that you two can meet up and try to smooth out the relationship. Make sure that it cannot be construed as a date, unless of course you have ulterior motives.

Points to avoid
While you are together try avoiding topics that are hurtful. Avoid getting into confrontational conversations and steer clear of blame and accusations. Forget about the past and concentrate on building up a new relationship.

Remember to give the whole procedure some time: Be patient and don't expect it to happen over night. However you also have to bear in mind that this relationship is also a two way street. If the other person is not willing to try a friendship, then you cannot do anything about it and it will be wise to forget it and be happy that at least you tried.

1 comment:

Cutiesifa said...

emm susah nak kawan balik pas putus..
nanti lagi payah nak lupakan si dia..
tp sometimes maybe boleh kot if kt mampu hadapinya :)

but better, x payah..